Hi, I wrote a 3K word review of the new Samsung Galaxy Note 9. But you’re busy and it’s the weekend. I get it. For the sake of saving time, here’s a distilled version, narrated by the magic of the company’s deeply troubling AR Emoji version of me.

Design

Battery

Camera

Audio/Visual

Bixby

Price

Anyway, just read the damn review. I promise there’s only one of these creepy things in it.